So it has been ages since i have written in here. So much has happend over the past how ever long it has been. I got promoted to Assistant Manager at work. So now i am on like 30 000 a year. I know it aint heaps but for a 19 year old it is. Any way dan decided 2 resign as store manager. So left me running the store plus the only other assistant manager there had just started so i was doing a store managers job, assistant managers job and also picking up after all the kitchenhands and cashiers. And then on top of all that i am still struggling 2 get thru my depression. I have 2 say that this is the most hardest thing i have ever had 2 deal with. Sum ppl think that depression aint really a big deal and that the ppl with it should just get over themselves. Depression is an illness and it is something ppl cant help. they didn't ask 4 it. it just happend. I can fully relate 2 ppl now cos the emotions u go thru are so strong and overwhelming. i feel trapped, i feel like i am stuck in a dark hole and there is no way 2 get out. its like u cant even begin 2 think on how 2 get yorself out and how 2 deal with everyday situations. I hate it so much cos i can see how i have changed from being the indepandant capable person i was to now where i am incable of alot of things, my emotions overthrow my thuinking and stuff around with my head. i was on medication for two months but it didn't seem to do anything for me. My doctor tried to take me off the zoloft and put me on something different, but she took me off way 2 quickly and i had withdrawels. So i changed doctors and my new doctor took me off slowly. it was still very hard the emotions were so much stronger and the feeling of being lost and not knowing how 2 deal with anything, and just wanting 2 give up cos i didn't have the energy to work things out. There were so many times that i wanted 2 kill myself. But lucky for me i am a sucker for pain. and i thought i couldn't leave my family and friends and my boyfriend. i had already nearly lost my life once and i couldn't put my parents thru that again. But i am slowly getting bak up on my feet. My boss gave me a month off work to sort things out and get myself bak 2gether. So in about 3 weeks i go bak 2 work. Anyway thats wot my life has been like.
*Rach*